At the risk of stating the obvious, I’m not a stay-at-home mother, but I’ve been married to one for nearly two decades.
A recent survey from Motherly found that 24% of mothers today identify as a stay-at-home mom (SAHM), a 9% bump in a single year. The jump is largely attributed to more flexible work schedules and remote job opportunities.
Not surprisingly, however much of an increase, it pales in comparison to the norms of the 1950s and 1960s when upwards of 80% to 85% of mothers were not employed outside the home.
Gallup recently reported that another 22% of mothers would prefer to stay at home if they could financially swing it, and another 38% would prefer a part-time job instead of the full-time one they currently manage.
Stereotypes have long existed about moms who devote their full-time energies to children and the home. From watching soap operas to drinking cocktails to kibitzing over the back fence, fictional movies and television have perpetuated many of these silly myths.
In reality, your typical stay-at-home mother works harder and longer than most high-powered women anywhere else. In fact, here are five common myths about these moms:
1. They’re rich: It’s true that making the ends meet on a single salary is a lot easier when that one salary is high, but most homes with a single breadwinner and a mom who stays at home actually have less income – and for obvious reasons. On average, even one high salary is usually less than two medium salaries combined.
Families with stay-at-home moms often make a conscious decision to get by on less. They cut the cable, go camping instead of going to Disney, pack lunches, cut coupons, and shop at thrift stores.
2. They don’t have stress: Juggling childcare when both mom and dad work can be difficult and can fray the nerves. But managing a household of active children all-day long isn’t for the faint of heart either. Stress comes in many shapes and sizes. Some can be productive and invigorating while other strains can be draining and debilitating.
It was the English novelist Elizabeth Stone who once poignantly likened motherhood to “forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” Regardless of whether you work outside the home, caring for and loving our children requires a major emotional investment with high risk and high reward the rest of our lives.
3. They love every minute of it: Social media has been a helpful tool to keep in touch with friends and loved ones who live far away, but it’s also helped create unrealistic expectations when it comes to parenthood and family.
You might see a SAHM capturing and posting an idyllic midday moment with their child on Facebook. What they didn’t post was junior throwing up in the car on the way to do the grocery shopping at Walmart.
4. They’re home and not working: As previously noted, caring for little people will stretch you in ways that a typical office role never will. In a single morning you may need to be a cook, teacher, disciplinarian, medic, counselor, philosopher, property manager, maid, chauffeur and engineer. After lunch, depending on the day, you’re a psychologist, party planner, dental hygienist, accountant, general contractor, movie reviewer, referee, and cheerleader.
It’s no wonder that some studies have found that were mothers to be financially compensated for everything they do they’d be making in excess of $200,000.
Stay-at-home moms are often not home because they’re off on an adventure – and they’re always working because even when children sleep, parents are on the clock.
5. They’re eager for the children to grow up: Many women choose to stay at home with the children because they rightly understand nobody can love their children like they can. They realize the old adage is true: “The days are long but the years are short.”
Sure, SAHMs may have a difficult day and grumble about the mud on the carpet, a sink full of dishes, colic and general crankiness, but they really don’t want to wish these days away. The “golden years” phrase has become synonymous with retirement, but it should be referring to those years with young children in the home.
Women who choose to work outside the home out of necessity or by choice are to be commended for the love and devotion that motivates and frames their parenting. Like SAHMs, they’re carrying equally challenging burdens, sacrifice mightily for their children, and bring unique gifts and strengths to their indispensable role as their children’s mom.
Call it what you will – a blessed messiness or controlled chaos – it’s a privilege to raise children and a special honor to spend as much time with them as possible before the world and the calling God places on their lives takes them away from us.
Image from Shutterstock.
