No, Chappell Roan, Motherhood is Not Hell
Entertainer and singer-songwriter Chappell Roan is getting an earful for seriously dissing on motherhood. Roan was raised in a committed Christian home in Missouri but has adopted a public voice very much at odds with her upbringing.
Roan recently explained “Call Her Daddy” podcast that “all [her] friends who have kids are in hell” and “she doesn’t know anyone who’s happy with children at her age.”
She wasn’t done swiping at people who’ve chosen to advance the human race, continuing, “I literally have not met anyone [with young kids] who’s happy – anyone who has like light in their eyes, anyone who has slept.” She then admitted later in the interview, “They’re in hell ’cause they love their kids,”
Yes, parenthood is complicated, and it can be hard.
Creating and raising healthy human beings to make the world a better place is not for the faint of heart.
But people like Roan and others who say parenthood doesn’t bring significant happiness are wrong.
Careful research from the Institute for Family Studies (IFS) demonstrates just how wrong this mentality is.
Just last week, their scholars, using findings from the American Time Use Survey (ATUS), explained the data “suggests something most parents already know—everyday activities are actually more enjoyable when children are present.”
Analyzing adults aged 25 to 50, findings show that doing activities with one’s own children, as opposed to with adult friends, consistently rates highest in happiness and meaningfulness.
They explain, “respondents are more likely to assign the highest happiness rating to time spent on activities with their kids (44%) than without (25%).”
Meaningfulness was also rated much higher for parents doing things with their kids at 56% over 37% reported that same experience with friends and colleagues. The various categorical differences in spending time with children or friends is shown in the graph below.
Additionally, doing things as a family including sharing meals together, doing household and leisure activities, and traveling were all significantly happier experiences when done with children. Shopping for consumer goods was the only category where kids did not boost the happiness rating.
IFS further explains, “Activities also have a higher probability of receiving the lowest pain, sadness, and stress scores when children are involved.” They add, “It’s possible that those who forego children in order to focus on their careers or social lives are actually limiting their happiness as a result.”
In an earlier research investigation, IFS scholars asked, “Are single, childless women and men truly the happiest, or are women and men today who are married with children happier?” Daily Citizen wrote on this when it came out.
They conclude that “the 2022 GSS [General Social Survey] shows that a combination of marriage and parenthood is linked to the biggest happiness dividends for women.”
Specifically, they explain, “Among married women with children between the ages of 18 and 55, 40% reported they are ‘very happy,’ compared to 25% of married childless women, and just 22% of unmarried childless women.”
IFS explains that these overall happiness findings match earlier surveys on the topic.
A third analysis from the IFS team, using different data sources, also supports the value of marriage and parental relationship for women.
They found, “Mothers rated family and raising children as more important to meaning compared to fathers,” adding, “Women without children were the least inclined to view raising children as important to meaning.”
So no, leading research data does not show that life with children is hellish.
But maybe it’s just that Roan is simply running with the wrong group of young moms. The Today Show reported the following at the conclusion of their story on the matter.
“Although Roan told ‘Call Her Daddy’ that she and her ‘awesome’ mom friends have ‘such different lives,’ they still party — even if they have to hire babysitters.”
“They’re mothers, they’re f—— busy and they have jobs and lives,” said Roan, joking, “When I go home, I love reminiscing about destroying public property with them and doing some illegal s–.”
Indeed, Roan may be sampling the wrong group of moms for their perspective on happiness and engaged motherhood.
Related Articles and Resources
Married Mothers and Fathers Are Happiest According to Gold-Standard General Social Survey
New Research Shows Married Families Matter More Than Ever
Why Marriage Really Matters – 3 Focus on the Family Reports
Reclaiming the Truth About Marriage
Research Update: The Compelling Health Benefits of Marriage
Important New Research on How Married Parents Improve Child Well-Being
New Research: Marriage Still Provides Major Happiness Premium
Yes, Married Mothers Really Are Happier Than Unmarried and Childless Women
Image from Getty.
