One of the myths common in our modern culture is that we all get to choose our own pronouns, and that language is not dependent on biology. In fact, we now have a day to celebrate pronouns. If you didn’t already know, today is the 2nd annual International Pronouns Day.

The first annual Day began in 2018 on the third Wednesday in October. And yes, there’s even an International Pronouns Day website. The website sums up the goal of the day. “Referring to people by the pronouns they determine for themselves is basic to human dignity. Together, we can transform society to celebrate people’s multiple, intersecting identities.” 

On Pronouns Day, there were over 50,000 tweets with the hashtag #PronounsDay at the time of writing. 

In fact, the University of Washington (UW) seized upon this opportunity to announce that they were now allowing students to choose their own pronouns when they register for classes. Apparently, UW values education so much that they now make the destruction of language their highest priority. The school’s registrar, Helen Garrett, said, “Providing instructors with their students’ self-identified pronouns is our highest priority so that faculty don’t have to assume them based on name or appearance.”

Here’s a question I have for UW. Will the professors teach the rules of grammar to their students? Because the rules of grammar dictate that the pronouns ‘he/him/his’ refer to men and ‘she/her/hers’ refer to women. Is grammar now discriminatory? 

According to the website, many leftist organizations support Pronouns Day. The American Humanist Association, Planned Parenthood and The National Center for Transgender Equality are listed as endorsers. Numerous educational institutions are also listed, including Colorado State University, University of Colorado, Hofstra University, Johns Hopkins University, Michigan State University, New York University and Princeton University. 

Now, since according to the Left the basic rules of grammar no longer apply and we must use the incorrect grammar that others want us to, I have a proposal. If I must use someone’s preferred pronouns, they must use my preferred adjectives.

From now on, I want people to refer to me as strong, handsome and smart. These are my adjectives, and this is how I self-identify. To describe me as anything other than those three adjectives is to discriminate against me. It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. I express myself as strong, handsome and smart, and you must refer to me as such.

In addition, I hereby designate tomorrow, October 17th as #AdjectivesDay. Everyone should tweet out their adjectives and how they wish to be described. Since the rules of grammar no longer matter, pick how you wish to express yourself. 

I also wish to pick my own verbs. October 18th should be #VerbsDay, and because I self-identify as a runner, you can only speak about me as if I was sprinting. So only sentences like this will do: “Zach is smart and handsome, and he sprinted to the store yesterday.” Even though I drove to the store yesterday, and I may or may not be smart and good-looking, you can only use those adjectives and verbs to describe me. Discrimination cannot be tolerated. 

I hope you enjoyed reading this great article, from your handsome, strong reporter. Oh wait… [Insert my pronoun] hope [Insert your pronoun] enjoyed [Insert your verb] this [Insert my adjective] article. Apparently, this is how we (Is ‘we’ still allowed?) must speak these days.

In George Orwell’s classic dystopian novel 1984, he imagined a day where Big Brother, the government, could control how people thought and spoke. He wrote, “Don’t you see that the whole aim of Newspeak is to narrow the range of thought? In the end we shall make thoughtcrime literally impossible, because there will be no words in which to express it.” With more governments mandating the use of one’s preferred pronouns, with violations punishable by $250,000 fines, we are almost in such a situation ourselves. Maybe there should be a sequel to Orwell’s book. We will (They will?) title it… 2019.


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