Marriage rates have been declining for decades, a tragic development with far-reaching consequences that are becoming more and more apparent with each passing year.
Not surprisingly, advocates for the sacred institution have been sounding the alarm all along. One tactic has been impassioned pleas for its importance. In fact, my colleague and friend Glenn Stanton devoted an entire book to the subject. He titled it, “Why Marriage Matters: Reasons to Believe in Marriage in Postmodern Society.”
Glenn wrote another book echoing a similar theme but with an added warning: “The Ring Makes All the Difference: The Hidden Consequences of Cohabitation and the Strong Benefits of Marriage.”
You may have read recently that the divorce rate is declining, a soundbite that strikes something of a hopeful note until you realize it’s largely because fewer people are getting married and fewer families are being formed.
But writing in today’s Wall Street Journal, Leah Libresco Sargeant, a writer and speaker who studies these topics, makes an insightful observation. She suggests it’s not that young people don’t realize how important marriage is or how consequential the marital dearth trend can be. Instead, she claims they feel wholly inadequate to get married and meet the heady responsibilities of being a husband or wife:
Ms. Sargeant then gets practical:
Many parents lament the loss of traditional jobs that the youth of their era embraced as teenagers. These included such tasks as delivering newspapers and mowing grass or shoveling snow. Not only are physical newspapers declining or dying, but the few papers left are usually delivered in cars in the predawn dark. The neighborhood teen lawn or snow laborer now competes with crews in trucks with sophisticated equipment who can get a job done in 15 minutes.
Challenges notwithstanding, Ms. Sergeant in nevertheless correct. Young men and women need to be given hard things to do. It’s a healthy thing to be stretched and even strained. It’s also okay to flop, flail and even fail when you’re a teenager. The consequences of making mistakes when you’re young are quite low and the upside is quite high.
Moms and dads would be wise to give their children lots of chores and responsibilities like cooking and cleaning. Encourage them to advertise themselves to trustworthy neighbors. There are dogs to be walked, basements and garages to be cleaned and any number of chores to be done in the yard. You might even consider allowing them to help contribute to the family budget. Once I hit high school, my parents told me any basketball shoes or baseball and football cleats were my financial responsibility. It helped me feel grownup.
Encouraging high school age children to organize a Shakespeare troupe takes things to the next level. But you don’t have to be a fan of great literature to be similarly challenged. There is-student led Bible studies to be run, wholesome social events to host, pregame or postgame prayer gatherings after football or other sporting events.
Many Christian parents rightly pray for their children’s spouse long before the man or woman is ever revealed. In addition to that deliberate and critical spiritual preparation, mothers and fathers should recognize the important role they play in helping their sons and daughters get ready for marriage – and it might even start by having them unload the dishwasher on a daily basis.
