Families usually start with a man and woman falling in love. So how and when love develops between romantic partners is an important topic for those interested in studying how marriages and families form.
A recent study published in the journal Biology of Sex Differences conducted by an Australian research team examines the very interesting question of who typically falls in love first.
This study claims to be the first to explore this question in a substantive, cross-cultural sample with validated measures. It involved a sample of 808 young adults (age 18-25) who are currently experiencing romantic love, residing in 33 different countries.
This research finds that while women think about their love-interest more often than men do – in 54% of their waking hours, compared to 44% of men’s waking hours – men are slightly more likely to fall in love with their girlfriends and do so markedly sooner. These scholars explain,
The authors add, “Falling in love one month earlier is practically meaningful.”
This is because “Falling in love one month earlier provides males with a greater opportunity to use romantic love to promote courtship, to demonstrate romantic love as an honest signal of commitment, and to say ‘I love you’ first.”
Yes, the study states, “There is good evidence that males express their love sooner than females do” in dating relationships and these findings are internationally robust.
Overall, the study discovered:
- Males fall in love slightly more often than females do, which is consistent with previous research.
- Males fall in love about one month earlier than females do.
- Females experience romantic love slightly more intensely than males do.
- Females in love think about their loved one more than males do.
- Females in love are slightly more committed than males are.
Why Do Males Fall in and Express Love Faster?
Is it because males are more feeling and sentimental than women? Few would argue this, but it is an interesting question. To understand the reasons, we must first define what falling in love means.
Most agree it is more of an emotional experience than a rational one. The study’s authors, coming at this academically, explain “falling in love” is “early-stage romantic” or “passionate love.” They offer a very clinical definition: Romantic love is “a motivational state typically associated with a desire for long-term mating with a particular individual.” It is a uniquely intense human attraction.
The authors of this study, who titled their published article “Sex Differences in Romantic Love: An Evolutionary Perspective,” clearly come at this from a naturalistic, evolutionary perspective.
They are interested in how human males and females cooperate to pass their DNA onto the next generation of the human species. In essence, they ask: Why is it in the male’s best mating interest to declare his love for the potential mother of his children first?
They conclude, “According to this line of thinking, romantic love may initially serve the function of a commitment device whereby a male shows they are committed to a female, providing the female with a signal that allows her to become emotionally, physically, and reproductively invested in the male.”
Since the work of passing on one’s DNA to the next generation is practically more difficult and time-intensive for the woman, “A female would be less likely to fall in love before a male has shown adequate behavioral signs of commitment, which are the signal that typically enable the female to fully fall in love.”
But do the man and woman potentially forming familial relationships really make such calculated considerations when negotiating the emotions of falling in love? Humans are certainly more than breeding beings and love is a higher order and uniquely human experience than participating in the evolutionary game of sending one’s DNA into the future.
It seems clear we need something more than an evolutionary model to answer the question of why males fall in love more often and sooner than their female love interests. An important question that this study does not address is whether women prefer their male mates to take the lead in communicating their love. Do women actually enjoy and find comfort in young men taking that lead?
Data seems to indicate that they do.
“Subsequent studies have provided an important scientific advance in documenting that women prefer mates who are kind and trustworthy specifically with respect to themselves and their families.” The male being first to express his love can certainly be an indicator of these essential qualities in a potential and reliable marriage partner. But the woman’s determination of the man’s sincerity of his declaration of love and his ability to deliver on that claim is even more critical.
A family certainly requires much more than just love. But a family without love is not desirable either. In Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis explains,
A man’s words of “being in love” must be backed up by many actions that are the day-in and day-out demonstration of that love. The daily decision of a man to love his wife and children is the foundation of a family, and his wife’s reciprocation of that demonstration are its continuation and life.
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